Directionally Challenged
by Vanessa Sgroi
Summary: DiNozzo, Gibbs, and McGee find themselves off the beaten path thanks to some bad weather, bad roads, and bad directions.


A/N: Written for the NFA story "How could I be lost?" challenge.

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Disclaimer: I do not own anything related to NCIS or its characters. Just having a little fun.

**Directionally Challenged**

**By: Vanessa Sgroi**

"How could I be lost," Tony DiNozzo muttered miserably. "Scratch that—how can _**WE**_ be lost?"

"Easy," huffed Tim McGee. "YOU wouldn't listen to the GPS—oh nooo—had to go your own way, right?"

"She—I mean _it_," growled Tony, "kept telling me to turn down roads that didn't exist! What was I supposed to do, McSmartass?"

"DiNozzo!" Gibbs interrupted before Tim could reply.

"Yeah, Boss?"

"Go get us a room."

Tony looked out the windshield at the downpour of cold, sleety rain and opened his mouth to protest; only to change his mind when he glanced at Gibbs' stony expression. "Just one room, Boss?" he queried instead.

Gibbs directed a steely gaze at his senior field agent without deigning to reply.

"One room coming up!" Tony beat a hasty retreat from the car and crossed the dark parking lot of the Slumber One Motel, a tiny run-down joint by the side of the road in the middle of nowhere. Its twitchy "Vacancy" sign buzzing fitfully in the dark.

The trio found themselves in this back of beyond on a mission to speak with members of the Veen family at their compound. Bad weather, bad roads, and bad directions had them turned around and running on fumes well beyond the witching hour. Now, having spied the tiny motel, Gibbs had finally called a halt to their endeavor for the rest of the night.

Tony returned minutes later and slid into the driver's seat, running a hand down his face to wick away the moisture there. "Good thing we pulled in when we did—they're almost full thanks to the weather." He put the car in gear and drove back across the parking lot, pulling into a spot at the end of one aisle. "Room 12."

The NCIS agents quickly grabbed their "go bags" and hurried through the rain to the room. The old-fashioned key stuck, and Tony had to jiggle both key and handle before the knob finally turned and the door swung open. DiNozzo eyed the threadbare drab interior and two relatively small beds. "Ahhh, home sweet hovel," he snarked, dropping his bag on top of one of the beds.

"You wanna sleep in the car, DiNozzo?"

"Uhhh…no, Gibbs," the special agent dropped down on the bed and bounced a little on the edge then tipped backward till he was sprawled flat. "I'll be happy right here."

"Good. Now get off my bed."

"_Your_ bed…oh. I guess that means McGee and I have to share, huh?"

Jethro shed his wet jacket and hat then cocked his head. "Did ya really think otherwise, DiNozzo?" He walked into the bathroom, returning seconds later with a dry towel for each of them.

"Um…no, Boss. Definitely not." Tony looked to Tim and fake grimaced. "McGrumpy and I'll will be very happy in our little bed, won't we, Timmy?"

His comment earned him an eye roll from his disgruntled partner. "Just don't hog the bed…or the blankets." Tim ran the towel over his hair.

"_**Me**_ hog the bed? _Au contraire, mon ami._ I'll have you know that I am the perfect gentleman when I happen to share a bed—usually, of course, with a pretty lady."

"Ew, TMI, Tony."

"I suggest you two do whatever you need to do so we can a few zzz's," ordered Gibbs, tossing his now-wet towel onto the rickety chair next to the tiny table.

Tony finished drying off then changed into a pair of sweats he kept in his bag. He had just settled back on the bed when McGee emerged from the bathroom dressed in a plain white t-shirt and a pair of Star Wars flannel pajama bottoms. "Nice PJ's there McSy-Fi."

"Hey, they're warm, all right? Besides, what's wrong with Star Wars?"

"It's a classic I'll give you that," Tony started, "but I'll tell you what's…"

"You two. Bed. Now."

McGee slid in next to Tony just as he settled back and grabbed the remote intending to find a movie to watch. In a blink, the remote disappeared from DiNozzo's hand.

"No TV."

"B-but…Gibbs!"

Gibbs tossed the remote into the middle of his bed before rounding the other and snatching up the laptop that had appeared in McGee's hands.

"No computer."

"But…Gibbs!"

Gibbs shook his head and sat the laptop down next to the remote. "We're here for one reason and one reason only—to catch a few hours of sleep. I suggest you two follow that directive since dawn comes awfully early."

"Geez, no TV, no computer," grumbled Tony, "but what about food? I—I mean _we_—we're starving, right McGee?"

Tim nodded cautiously. "Uh, yeah, I could eat."

Jethro grabbed his bag from the floor and began rummaging through it. A few seconds later a package of peanut butter & cheese crackers sailed through the air and smacked Tony in the forehead. It was closely followed by another that landed in Tim's lap.

"Enjoy," he grumbled sardonically. Gibbs dropped onto his bed and stretched out, immediately closing his eyes.

Tony devoured his six crackers without hesitation then eyed McGee's longingly. He licked a crumb from the corner of his mouth.

Tim pulled his remaining crackers toward his body, guarding them. "Don't even think about it!" With a furtive movement, he shoved the last two in his mouth defiantly and chewed furiously.

"Lights out!" ordered Gibbs without moving.

DiNozzo did as commanded, switching off the lamp between the beds. He squirmed and twisted fitfully until he was comfortable. He closed his eyes with a loud sigh. Several long minutes later, Tony threw back the covers, sat up, and flipped on the light. He stood and made his way to the bathroom.

"DiNozzo!" barked Gibbs.

The senior field agent padded barefoot back into the room. "Sorry, Boss, had to get a drink of water," Tony murmured. He smacked his lips and cleared his throat. "You know, all that salt…in the crackers…" His voice trailed off as he could feel the glare being directed at him.

"You done now?"

"Yes, sir," he muttered sheepishly, sliding back into bed.

"Good. Say goodnight."

"Uh…goodnight." DiNozzo again shut off the light and, much to McGee's disgust, repeated the twisting and squirming until he was comfortable.

An hour later, Gibbs removed the pillow jammed around his head, an ineffective sound barrier to the buzz saw filling the room.

"McGee?"

"Yeah, Boss?"

"Roll him over."

"Gladly! Uh, Gibbs?"

"Yeah?"

"What if this doesn't work?"

"Then there's a roll of duct tape in the car."

_**FIN**_

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A/N: To my guest reviewer who disliked the way I portrayed Tony here, I'd like to say this. I absolutely love Tony to pieces. He is absolutely my favorite character and I always try to portray him with respect (perhaps you would see that in my other NCIS stories). I too get irritated when he is made to look overly bad on the show. That being said, while I poke a little fun at him here, I feel I did a commendable job keeping him in character. I don't believe I made him super annoying nor do I believe I portrayed him as a huge jerk (as they sometimes do on the show). As for his snoring, well, it IS fanfic and I took a bit of liberty there. I also meant Gibbs' last line to be nothing more than a little joke between him and McGee-no more, no less. I am sorry that you found my story irritating rather than entertaining.


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